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No one has zero confidence, so we can start by building on what we have. Probably all of us are more confident in some areas than in others. Think about what things you feel confident doing. When you know you are good at some things, it helps you to see you can learn to be good at other things, too. You are a competent person.

We can talk to ourselves more kindly and encouragingly, and remind ourselves of what we do well, and whatever success we had today. Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t. With anything in life, you can always try your best, and you can learn. Remind yourself of the sincere and good person that you are.

We can try to stop frightening ourselves with scary self-talk when we want to do something. When you feel nervous, distract yourself from speculating what others may think of you. Focus instead on what you will do, and remind yourself there are many chances to succeed. Imagine that people will like you very much. Know that you will do your best.

Whenever you receive a compliment, write it down in a little book. What accomplishments in your life can you remember? What are you good at? Write these things down, also. You can read them again when you are feeling less confident.

Often we think we must have confidence to do things. Generally it works the other way around. We gain confidence by doing new things. Before you get married, before you drive a car, before you start a job, when you begin at a new school, it is natural to be nervous. It is the unfamiliar. We gain confidence in a situation when it becomes more familiar. We become good at doing things after we have practiced and it becomes familiar. Don’t expect to have confidence first. Give up that idea and begin doing new things anyway. The more you face your fears, the more confidence you will have.

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